To Regret or Not To Regret
TO REGRET OR NOT TO REGRET….that’s the question!
Many of us, given the chance, would have done things differently. The phrase “ I should’ve ” is not an unfamiliar word in human’s culture. In the Malay language, there is a famous saying “ sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tidak berguna” which means that it is better to cut your losses now then to bear more losses in the future. Again and again, we keep hearing the proverbs, yet, do we heed to its wisdom? In my case, I think not. I always believe that time will heal everything, financial problem, heart woes and not to forget, bad relationship. Well it seems true enough, except for the latter part. Bad relationship, especially if it concerns family ties, should not be left for time to heal it. It should be dealt with immediately or else you might regret it for your whole life. I learn of this hard truth during my father’s last days. I never consider myself to be a good and devoted son, even though I really love my parents. To me, action speaks louder than words, so I almost never express my love for my parents in words.
My late father, being a man of few words and hard love, was a man that was hard to satisfy. Therefore, it is not surprising that there was a bit of communications breakdown between him and his children. He shows his love through his acts and not words. Though we know that he loves us, we grew up being just like him. Never uttering our love towards him. I was given the chance by God to be with him during his last days until his dying breath. Those last days of his, shall always burn in my mind, for it was engraved in me the day he died. I had accompanied him during the nights, for he was half paralyzed by stroke. Those restless yet unforgettable moments bonded my father and me more than our twenty-eight years together. There were times when I was slowly massaging his hands, he slowly took my hand and gently rubbed it back. A sign showing that he really loves me. Tears welled up in me and I just wanted to say that I love him so much as he did so but I never did utter my love for him. I just managed a smile and exchange loving looks with him. At times he would relate stories about our family and myself when I was little. He kept reminding me how he used to introduce me as his youngest yet biggest son and how proud he is of me.
Yet, being his son, I did not tell him that I was proud of him too. I just figured that as a father, he knows that we love him. I figured that once he was better, I would mend our relationship. I promised myself that I would spend more time to be with him, that I would utter my love to him, every time I had the chance to do so. But that was not the fate destined for me, for just when I thought he was getting better, he was diagnosed as having pneumonia. Due to his stroke attack, some of his body function had failed. All the food and drinks taken, even his intravenous solution went to his lung. He was lacking in oxygen intake and had to wear the oxygen mask. We could not even make out what he was saying. It was like speaking to a man in water. We could no longer talk to each other. Even during these times, I kept telling myself that he would came out of it. He was a fighter and somehow in my heart I hope that he would fight death for the love of his family. I know that he loves his family very much and that he would do anything just to be with us. To me he was immortal, he could never die, and that he could pull out from this situation.
Death is a reality that we have to face, no matter how hard we tried not to face it. Monday, April 28th , 2003,10.30 am, while my brothers and sister were off to Penang Isle to consult with one of the three neuro-surgeons in Penang, there was chaos in the Intensive Care Unit, where my late father was treated. I tried to go in but was advised not to. I was anxiously pacing the corridors when a nurse called me. When I went into the room, I was told that my father’s heart had stopped and the nurses were trying to bring him back. They stopped for a while to show the flat line of the EKG machine. It was then that I slowly whispered the syahadah into his ear. It was then that I whispered into his ear that I love him with all of my heart. It was then that I felt my heart broke into two and half of it died. By then it was all too late. At that point, I had to make the most difficult decision in my life. With tears welled up in my heart and eyes, I asked the doctor to stop resuscitating my late father, and to remove all the equipments on his body. I called up all my siblings and inform them of my father’s death. I implored the nurse to let me wash my father’s body myself. Gently, I wash my father’s body myself and stumbled out of the room. As I went out and saw my sister crying outside of the room, my legs buckled and I drop to my knees, crying uncontrollably. I never thought that I would not be given the chance to tell him how much I love him, idolized him and proud of him. I never thought that I would not be able to kiss his hands again on Eidul Fitri and Eidul Adha. Somehow, deep inside, I never fathom that he could die, that I won’t be able to talk with him anymore, that I have lost my father. And as we laid him into his final resting place, I regretted a lot of things.
I regretted that I never saying that I love him. I regretted that I leave it to time to heal our somewhat broken relationship. I regretted for not telling him that I look up to him. I regretted for not spending more time with him when he was alive, but most of all, I regretted for not being a devoted son that he could really be proud of. And life, through death, has shown me a few important things. Never put off telling people you care about, that you love them. Never let time mend broken ties. Do it yourself. Leave nothing to chance and do nothing that you will regret later on. No one is immortal and time waits for no one. You will never know what might happen. I would like to thank my late father, for even in his death, he has taught me wondrous things. May God give you comfort in the afterlife. Al Fatihah.
To all who read this article, heed my advice, no matter what you do, make sure you will not regret it later. Remember that whatever you do will affect other people, even people whom you love. Bear in mind that nobody is immortal and life is short. This is the hardest article I’ve written but if it helps anyone, I am truly satisfied. I have had my shares of regret, and I hope that you would never have to go through the painful experience. Learn from my mistakes. To regret or not to regret, that is the question that you have to answer for yourself.
This article is dedicated to my late father, Allahyarham Abu Bakar Bin Shafie, who passed away on April 28th, 2003. May God bless his soul forever. You are now immortal in my heart. Al-Fatihah.
Many of us, given the chance, would have done things differently. The phrase “ I should’ve ” is not an unfamiliar word in human’s culture. In the Malay language, there is a famous saying “ sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tidak berguna” which means that it is better to cut your losses now then to bear more losses in the future. Again and again, we keep hearing the proverbs, yet, do we heed to its wisdom? In my case, I think not. I always believe that time will heal everything, financial problem, heart woes and not to forget, bad relationship. Well it seems true enough, except for the latter part. Bad relationship, especially if it concerns family ties, should not be left for time to heal it. It should be dealt with immediately or else you might regret it for your whole life. I learn of this hard truth during my father’s last days. I never consider myself to be a good and devoted son, even though I really love my parents. To me, action speaks louder than words, so I almost never express my love for my parents in words.
My late father, being a man of few words and hard love, was a man that was hard to satisfy. Therefore, it is not surprising that there was a bit of communications breakdown between him and his children. He shows his love through his acts and not words. Though we know that he loves us, we grew up being just like him. Never uttering our love towards him. I was given the chance by God to be with him during his last days until his dying breath. Those last days of his, shall always burn in my mind, for it was engraved in me the day he died. I had accompanied him during the nights, for he was half paralyzed by stroke. Those restless yet unforgettable moments bonded my father and me more than our twenty-eight years together. There were times when I was slowly massaging his hands, he slowly took my hand and gently rubbed it back. A sign showing that he really loves me. Tears welled up in me and I just wanted to say that I love him so much as he did so but I never did utter my love for him. I just managed a smile and exchange loving looks with him. At times he would relate stories about our family and myself when I was little. He kept reminding me how he used to introduce me as his youngest yet biggest son and how proud he is of me.
Yet, being his son, I did not tell him that I was proud of him too. I just figured that as a father, he knows that we love him. I figured that once he was better, I would mend our relationship. I promised myself that I would spend more time to be with him, that I would utter my love to him, every time I had the chance to do so. But that was not the fate destined for me, for just when I thought he was getting better, he was diagnosed as having pneumonia. Due to his stroke attack, some of his body function had failed. All the food and drinks taken, even his intravenous solution went to his lung. He was lacking in oxygen intake and had to wear the oxygen mask. We could not even make out what he was saying. It was like speaking to a man in water. We could no longer talk to each other. Even during these times, I kept telling myself that he would came out of it. He was a fighter and somehow in my heart I hope that he would fight death for the love of his family. I know that he loves his family very much and that he would do anything just to be with us. To me he was immortal, he could never die, and that he could pull out from this situation.
Death is a reality that we have to face, no matter how hard we tried not to face it. Monday, April 28th , 2003,10.30 am, while my brothers and sister were off to Penang Isle to consult with one of the three neuro-surgeons in Penang, there was chaos in the Intensive Care Unit, where my late father was treated. I tried to go in but was advised not to. I was anxiously pacing the corridors when a nurse called me. When I went into the room, I was told that my father’s heart had stopped and the nurses were trying to bring him back. They stopped for a while to show the flat line of the EKG machine. It was then that I slowly whispered the syahadah into his ear. It was then that I whispered into his ear that I love him with all of my heart. It was then that I felt my heart broke into two and half of it died. By then it was all too late. At that point, I had to make the most difficult decision in my life. With tears welled up in my heart and eyes, I asked the doctor to stop resuscitating my late father, and to remove all the equipments on his body. I called up all my siblings and inform them of my father’s death. I implored the nurse to let me wash my father’s body myself. Gently, I wash my father’s body myself and stumbled out of the room. As I went out and saw my sister crying outside of the room, my legs buckled and I drop to my knees, crying uncontrollably. I never thought that I would not be given the chance to tell him how much I love him, idolized him and proud of him. I never thought that I would not be able to kiss his hands again on Eidul Fitri and Eidul Adha. Somehow, deep inside, I never fathom that he could die, that I won’t be able to talk with him anymore, that I have lost my father. And as we laid him into his final resting place, I regretted a lot of things.
I regretted that I never saying that I love him. I regretted that I leave it to time to heal our somewhat broken relationship. I regretted for not telling him that I look up to him. I regretted for not spending more time with him when he was alive, but most of all, I regretted for not being a devoted son that he could really be proud of. And life, through death, has shown me a few important things. Never put off telling people you care about, that you love them. Never let time mend broken ties. Do it yourself. Leave nothing to chance and do nothing that you will regret later on. No one is immortal and time waits for no one. You will never know what might happen. I would like to thank my late father, for even in his death, he has taught me wondrous things. May God give you comfort in the afterlife. Al Fatihah.
To all who read this article, heed my advice, no matter what you do, make sure you will not regret it later. Remember that whatever you do will affect other people, even people whom you love. Bear in mind that nobody is immortal and life is short. This is the hardest article I’ve written but if it helps anyone, I am truly satisfied. I have had my shares of regret, and I hope that you would never have to go through the painful experience. Learn from my mistakes. To regret or not to regret, that is the question that you have to answer for yourself.
This article is dedicated to my late father, Allahyarham Abu Bakar Bin Shafie, who passed away on April 28th, 2003. May God bless his soul forever. You are now immortal in my heart. Al-Fatihah.
posted by aimmx at
2:38 am
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home